Last night I was laying in bed listening to the rain & thunder outside our window. I had a good book on my nightstand (Present over Perfect- so good y'all!), my husband was asleep next to me, my puppy was crashed on the floor next to our bed snoring soundly next me (she's by far the noisiest sleeper in our house ;) ), and my mind was full of all the things-- as it often is late at night...
A lot of people have asked me if I studied photography in school, and when I tell them I didn't, the next question is almost always, "Well then, how did you get into this profession?" Honestly, the answer isn't easy or straightforward. It's a little bit disjointed, and confusing, and there were some painful, messy moments along the way. I didn't always know I wanted to be a photographer, although, I wish I had, because I could have saved myself some time and life would have been easier! ;)
A few years ago we had a tragic accident happen in our family that shook me to my core, and while I had always considered myself a 'faithful' Christian, that one event made me really question the world as I knew it. After the accident, I grew stronger in my faith, I started praying more, trusting Him more, and listening to Him more. During that tough season, at some point I felt like I was being called to start a photography business, and while it was scary (and seemed completely crazy at the time) I knew in my heart that it was what I was meant to do. I wanted to capture moments for people on camera so they could look back at the memories and cherish them forever...just like we cherish those family photos that we took with our cousin who passed away so suddenly a few months later.
Now, officially two years into this business, I find myself back in that not-so-focused place at times. The place where I'm worrying...where I'm trying to be in control. I go through seasons of strong faith, and I go through seasons where I don't pray as often as I should & I'm not spending as much time in the Word as I should be. Usually, in those not-so-focused seasons I'm running around like a crazy person just trying to keep my head above water, and I feel incredibly stressed and overwhelmed. I try so hard to 'do it myself', and I get so caught up in the day to day that I forget to look UP. I forget why I started...why I'm here...my true purpose.
I'm preaching to myself today, because after taking a break for a few days from social media, tv, and other big distractions, I've realized that my focus and my faith need another adjustment...as they do any time I start to slip into that 'controlling' mindset. Thankfully, this time, I was able to catch myself before it got too out of hand.
This afternoon I'm feeling thankful...thankful for friends & strangers who remind me to refocus on what is truly important. I'm thank for for this business and this season of life (as chaotic as it may be), because I have met incredible people and made wonderful friends who have encouraged & strengthened my faith. And most of all, I'm thankful for my God whose plan for my life is greater than anything I can fathom...and I pray that when my mind begins to stray, I always remember why I started...to serve Him. I was made to serve Him.
In this season, serving Him looks like loving & serving my clients well and being a good, present wife, daughter, sister, friend & puppy mama. I know that future seasons will look different, and I'll serve Him in different ways. Life is constantly changing, and for someone who does like change, that's tough. But change is good, growth is good, He is good...and it's all about trust.
So as I sit here on this rainy afternoon editing lots of images, rescheduling sessions because of the weather (rain, rain, go away), and feeling a little bit overwhelmed with the craziness that is being a small business owner, I am also forcing myself to refocus and remember why I started...to capture precious memories for my wonderful clients, and ultimately, to serve Him.